Finger monkeys

Ever held a finger monkey before?  What’s a finger monkey, you ask. Well, believe it or not, it’s a monkey the size of a human finger. They got their name because of their size and the fact that they cling to your fingers when you try to hold them. The planet’s smallest living primate, finger monkeys are also known as pocket monkeys or tiny lions.
Indigenous to the rain forests of Brazil, Peru, Ecuador, and Colombia (where they possibly export drugs to other finger monkeys), the common finger monkey can grow up to 14 inches. Don’t let a finger monkey’s looks fool you. Its claws are extremely sharp, and when a provoked, these pygmy marmosets can wreak havoc like you’ve never seen.

"I'm clinging for dear life!"

"It turns out this rug is as soft as advertised. Testing complete."

"I was in the middle of a goddamn nap, and you just had to wake me! Why!"

"I'm fascinated by that cat in the corner. He thinks he can outwit me. Oh, how little he knows."

"This is like an amusement park ride from hell."

"I'm old man finger monkey magoo, and my arm and hand are freakishly human. That said, I'm extremely far to the right and don't believe in evolution. Other finger monkeys have ostracized me."

"I just learned that I can keep my balance in any situation. Oh hell yea! I'm gonna bring home the gold in the finger monkey Olympic games. Or not, because I refuse to take finger monkey steroids, but all things being equal, I would win."

"Wait, who thought this would be a good idea again?"

"I'm number 1! Number 1!"

"I'm still number 1."

"Getting sleepy. Probably because I'm bored. I haven't been this bored since I went to the finger monkey Phil Collins concert and he sang three different versions of 'Sussudio' back to back to back."

So, how bout it? Would you want a finger monkey as a pet? If you want information about how to obtain a finger monkey, send an email to fingermonkey33@gmail.com, and a finger monkey expert will help you find one.